What's next?

I keep bouncing around, but I think I've found what I need... And I'm excited.

I'll update more later. :)

xx

And all we ever wanted...

So, I'm quite aware that I haven't blogged in a while, and don't get me wrong, I've thought about it. My blog is like my therapy, you know? And I've actually had a lot that I've wanted to write about. Silly me. Well, here I am now, so let's get to it.

Before I came to AAU, I was at Brooks Institute of Photography, right? Right. If you know me at all, you will know that. Brooks just wasn't right for me, so I came here. First semester was amazing. AMAZING. I had so much fun, learned a lot, and genuinely appreciated my teachers. This semester? Not so much. The teachers are just there for self promotion. I don't know HOW many times I have been to this one class and my teacher says, "Well, on my charity site we do this..." or "When I was on the news..." Bitch, you're not on the news anymore, so stfu. I'm sorry. I know that's immature, but all this man has taught me in the 14-some-odd weeks of me being in his class is that using a tripod is professional. No shit.

School has never been my thing. Ever. I know what I want to do and I know what I have to do to get it done, but school...? School just isn't my game. I know it "prepares you for life," but I would rather prepare myself by actually getting a real job and learning on my own. I'm smart. I can do it on my own. So, moral of that rant, I'm thinking of maybe leaving AAU after the semester is over and moving back to LA, getting a job, and getting my own place. Leave the school scene for a while, pay off some debt, get a job, and just live. Live my life. Try to live my life. The parentals won't be too pleased to here this... But I wouldn't be too please if my oldest child decided to quit college. To them, it's giving up. To me, it's learning how to be a mature and responsible adult. On my own. So we'll see how that goes.

One thing that has been going well, however, is my relationships with other people. I am absolutely a giving person. I pay for people, I listen to people's issues, I try to help people as best as I can. And I love that. I feel like there aren't enough genuinely nice people in the world, and I'm glad I have a handful of people in my life who will always have my back.

My boyfriend is amazing. He's my best friend, my rock, my punching bag... And even though I'm a little bitch sometimes and throw retarded hissy fits, he still loves me. He looks me in the eyes when he talks to me, he respects me, and he appreciates all that I do for him and others. I have never felt more special, more safe, or more loved by any man I have ever been with. I will definately cherish this relationship for the rest of my life.

On that note, I think I'll be off now. Thanks for reading, guys.
:)

xx

now playing - down the line by jose gonzalez 

I think it's time...

It's amazing how my writers block doesn't effect my personal writing. Maybe that should be a hint.

There are moments in your life when you have to just sit down and think about what's right for you. You think about everything: family, friends, school, work, money, time, effort... and you come to a conclusion that some people, some THINGS, aren't necessarily right for you. Then you let them go. One by one, you just let them go. You forget about them. You forget about the good times as well as the bad in order to make your life what you know it needs to be.

Relationships are two-way streets. Communication should come from both sides, and both parties should listen. There are two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. Givers talk, takers listen. But what happens when a taker wants to give?
I'm sick of being the taker.

I'm growing up. I'm learning a lot about life. What's best for me might not be what's right for me. And what I want might not be what's right for me.

Journalism, you're confusing the hell out of me.

People, always others.

I've been struggling for a long time to figure out who I am as a person and how people perceive me. I have yet to figure out who I am and what I want, but I know how people see me. I'm a push-over, the motherly addition to the group. I take care of my friends, I put them before me. I realized this about three days after coming back from break, and I've isolated myself since then. (Not like COMPLETELY isolated - I still see my friends, but I go out on my own a lot more now.)

People change.
Shit happens.
It's up to you to live your life the way you want it to be lived.

I came to this school to earn my degree. Making friends is just that little added plus, but it's not a necessity. So, it's time for a change. I'm focusing on me from now on. I'm cutting out the bad, and adding the good.

xx

They come when you're not looking...

When you're alone, and all you want is to be with someone, there is no one there. Now that I'm in a relationship, there are more guys talking to me than ever. I don't mean to make this out to be conceited, but honestly it's the truth. And don't get me wrong, I'm satisfied with what I've got, but sometimes I wish I could pick and choose the parts of each guy I like, and mesh them together.

My heart sank when you told me you broke up with her; my heart sank when you told me you made a mistake in letting me go; my heart sank when you told me you still love me, even though you moved... My heart sinks when you hold me and kiss me and whisper sweet things into my ear.

There's nothing I can do about it now... And I hate that.
xx

Compassionate hearts seek needy people.

It has always been in my nature to help others before myself, and as you can read in my previous blog, I tend to do just that more than I should. I help people, I enjoy helping people, but who am I to turn to when I need help? I don't mean for this blog to sound depressing. In all actuality, I really just want someone I can tell my stories to. Someone who will listen to me without getting noticeably bored. Whether or not I want to listen to YOUR story is irrelevant. It is my job as your friend to listen to you and give my advice.

Now, do that for me.

I watched Youth in Revolt last night, and I've gotta say... I'm kinda jealous of Sheeni. Let's just leave that statement alone for the moment.

17 days until I go back home. I can't wait.
c:


xx

Has it gone so far?

Has it really gotten to the point where I care too much about other people, and not enough about myself? I feel like I've lost myself... Where has the old me gone? Time to do some serious soul-searching, my friends.


xx

Y'know what?

I love my boyfriend SOOOOOOO MUCH.


So, my little shmoo/penguin, this is for you. MERR. ilytbc. c:

Seriously? Seriously.

I have to get used to being treated this way, I guess. I'm used to the cuteness, the uber sweet shit, the non-stop texting. But, eh I need to get used to this.


I'm happy, nonetheless.
c:

A not-so-distant future.

Ahhhh, sorry for the delay in posts. Life is beautiful at the moment. I'm in LA for about 6 weeks for break, and I forgot how much I love it here. The weather, the silence, the drives... Don't get me wrong, I'm IN LOVE with San Francisco and its people, but nothing compares to your hometown.
In other news, the academy's online newspaper is kicking off well. It's hard as shit, and it's taken me a LONG time to organize everything, but it's getting there. Budget is done, the room in which we will produce the paper is picked out and furnished... All we need is an actual website, and volunteers, and we're set. Fall of 2010, this shit will be complete.
My life is moving in a direction I completely approve of. Haaa.


:)
xx