Wondrous things...

At the moment I'm in lab editing some footage of Blake Carpenter who has seriously turned out to be one of my closest friends out here.  Like a brother, I guess, which is always good to have.  Anyway, Blake is an INSANELY talented musician, so we went to Guitar Center earlier today and I recorded him playing, hence why I am editing his footage.   Anyway, check it out below!



I wonder why the quality is so bad... Hm...



Anyway, now that I'm done editing, I'm going to go home.


xx

Depression or anxiety?

Weird moods lately...  Maybe I'm just thinking too much again, but for some reason nothing seems to be going the way I'd like.  School-wise, things are great, but personally?  Not so much.  One loss after another.  It's getting annoying trying to put on this happy demeanor every day.  Whatever.  I can deal.

I have a lot of good people in my life, and I should be focusing on the good, not the bad.  But I can't help it.


I can't wait to go home.  I miss my family, my friends...  You.  Oh well.

'Night, blog.

xx

Sunrise, sunrise

Life is always better when you know you're wanted / loved by someone other than a family member.  I forgot what this felt like.



Thank you.
xx

:)

Good change of pace.



Very good.

Remember when...

I'm so sorry I've neglected my two viewers.

I'm horribly busy at school, stressed beyond recognition, and utterly frustrated with everything right now.  So, naturally, I have a lot of time to think.  And I've got to be honest - most of the time, the things I think about are not good.  I mean, they could be good, but I always turn good things into obscenely complex and somewhat insane situations.  I think it's funny, for instance, that you can be there for people through everything - boyfriend/girlfriend issues, school issues, family issues, LIFE issues - yet, when you need someone, there is no one to turn to.  You shouldn't feel like your burdening people with your issues.  So, I've been keeping to myself a lot, throwing myself into school and the paper's planning.  And, when I do go out and/or tell someone about what's on my mind, somehow it just doesn't really help.  So maybe it's an issue with me, and not necessarily an issue with people.  See, whilst writing, I learned something.  Skills.

Now, on to my main issue, faithful blog.  I'm the first person to tell you what I think, but lately something has just been... eating at me.  And I don't fully know what it is just yet.  All I know is that I am so beyond frustrated with life.  In all actuality, there is no reason for me to feel this way, but I feel so angry all the time.  Nothing really goes the way I hope it will.  (Ah, that word.  Hope.  Does it exist?  There's doing and there's hoping.  Hope.  Huh.)  Anyway, every time I become interested in someone, I hear the phrase "I have to work on myself.  I have a wall protecting me."  And I'm not even exclusively referring to the people I've met while in San Francisco.  I completely understand said wall, but when you think about it, EVERYONE has been hurt in one way or another.  Everyone has this wall.  Some are bigger and stronger than others, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.  Everyone needs protecting; having a wall that you "can't break down," kind of seems like a cop-out.  But again, different people, different circumstances.  It's just completely interesting to find that so many people have the same mentality.  It's fascinating.  I have a wall, too, but I can tear down my wall, while some people can't.  Someone should write a book about it.

I've always loved music, but lately I've been getting more passionate about learning guitar and writing songs.  I have no idea why.  It's like someone opened my musical creative flood gates.  I've been listening to a lot of random artists lately - their chords, lyrics, melodies.  I feel so comfortable when I play my guitar.  And while I might only know four songs at the moment, I'm coming along.

Well, I guess that's all for today.  Hopeful I'll post more later.

xx

And time just flies by...

A lot has happened since I wrote last, and I apologize for the delay (c'mon, with only two followers, and one person who actually reads this - hey, Darren - I doubt many of you even care).  Even so, this blog is supposed to benefit me, right?  So on we go...

School is kicking my ass, so to speak.  Late nights, early mornings, and honestly, I'm not partying my time away like most of the people I know.  I genuinely have a lot to do.  I'm in lab pretty much every day, then I have 8:30 a.m. classes.  It doesn't seem like a lot, but it is.  SO much to do in so little time, but as my good friend Kim pointed out, "We make it [hard] even when our lives don't demand it."  True, true.  I think after leaving Brooks, I figured out what needed to be done, and what I had to change in my life...  So I'm changing it.  It's all for the better, my friends.  All for the better.

We went on a field trip today to San Francisco's channel 5 news, and it was amazingly inspiring.  I know broadcast journalism is what I want to do with my life.  It's like...  a life of complete stress, and for someone who thrives under pressure, it's amazing.  Deadlines keep me alive, man.  I realized how much I have to do to get ready for that, but I'm prepared.  Absolutely prepared.

My mom comes to visit me in two days, my birthday is in about two weeks, and I'm absolutely happy.  I do miss my family, though.  A lot. 

Well, that's all for now.  I have to watch a movie and write a report.

Ta-ta for now!

xx

Up and away

I would just like to point out that I am being forced to write this blog by Darren Williams.  He is on FaceBook.  Stalk him.

Anyway, hello, all two readers.  I am currently in the beautiful city of San Francisco, California continuing my education at Academy of Art.  Of course, you knew that.  I've really got nothing to write about.  I've been to two out of four classes and I have a shit-ton of homework.  It's kind of ridiculous.  But in all actuality, would I really have it any other way?  Probably not.  Those of you who know me know I thrive under pressure...  When I have too much to do and not enough time to do it, that's when I'm at my best.  I can already see that this school is going to be like Brooks 2.0:  Hard classes, fast-paced, and homework orientated.  But that's alright.  I love it.

I'm on the school's new radio station which is amazing.  We haven't started broadcasting yet, but we're in the process of getting everything together, so that's cool.

I want Starbucks.

My mom comes out to visit me in about four weeks and I am SO excited.  And my birthday is in one month and four days, also major excitement goin' on there.  Though, 19 really is a useless age.  At 18 you're legal and at 21 you can drink.  19 is pointless.  Still don't know what's going on for my birthday, though I've never really been a "party girl."  I know what I want (and I'm not saying it via the interweb), but it's not really something you can ask of someone, hahahaha.  Actually, it is.  Well, in this town it is.  This isn't making sense.  I'll stop now.

I'm still really interested in acting and script writing, but time will not allow either at the moment.  Job hunting is sucking, too.  And to be honest, I want an apartment.  Ahh, how much I wantwantwant.

That's all for now.

Thanks for reading, Darren.

xx

It's here!

So, for the longest time, I have been oblivious to my countdown to college on FaceBook and, seeing as this is my second time beginning at a new school, I never really thought of it as being 'new' or 'different.'  But now, one day before I leave, I realized that there might be something else I want to do.  So much inspires me and so many things pull me in weird directions, that it can be hard to justify what exactly I want to do.  So, whilst my heart and brain go to war on this subject, I realize that there is no turning back now...  That what I am going to school for is practical, and what I 'really want to do' will probably never happen.  Here's the story:

I don't watch a lot of television.  I never did, and I probably never will.  I am always too busy doing something (work, school, a combination of the two), and I feel that if I sit down and watch something, I will get too in to the show.  Now, this has only happened to me on three occasions:  while watching Absolutely Fabulous on BBC America, while watching House with some friends, and while watching Weeds.  And, saying that, my writing as blown up...  In a metaphorical sense, at least.  I guess you could say that my ideas grew more so than my writing.  I still can't write for shit, and my trying would just result in some fabulously epic failure.  But, while watching Weeds, I saw something change, and as weird as that may sound, I found me.  Or who I think I can be writing-wise.  There have always been these crazy ideas streaming in and out of my head, but depending on where I was in life, I either wrote them down and forgot about them, or forgot to write them down and forgot about them.  I'm 18-years-old, now, and for once, I feel as though I actually have a good idea.  Keep in mind, this is just the part of my rant that relates to writing.

Now, on to the other part:  Acting.  I never really saw myself as an actress.  My parents did, and took me to multiple agents when I was younger, but nothing really ever came out of it.  And, for the most part, I'm glad.  I watch a show like Weeds where Allie Grant plays Celia Hodes' 11-year-old daughter, Isabelle, and I see how grown up she is.  And while I have always been mature for my age, it was more in the advice-giving sense, not necessarily the 'understanding the world' sense.  But I've grown up now.  Moved away from home, moved back...  And now moving away again, and there is this new part of me that just wants to act...  In everything.  Movies, television, theatre.  I know I can do it, it's just a matter of me getting the parts.  

Ahh, well, there you have it.  A lot has been going on, but I'm excited for the changes. 

xx

Moving, moving

I move in 15 days.  Quite frankly what I'm feeling right now is exactly the same as what I was feeling when I went to Brooks...  Which is weird.  Because when I went to Brooks, I had a car.  I knew I could come home whenever I wanted.  But at Academy of Art, I won't be able to do that.  I'll have to shell out $100 every time I want to come home.  Oh well.  This school is the best thing for me, and I know that.  I have to do this.

While on the subject of school, I would loooove to know why Academy of Art is called Academy of Art UNIVERSITY.  Isn't it kinda dumb to have Academy and University in the same title?  I think so.  

Well, at the moment I am at work, and it is probably my last week here...  Seeing as I move in two weeks.  There is A LOT going on in my family life, friend life, work life, and before I leave, I would love a little break.  Don't get me wrong, I am all for leading a buys life; it's what I do.  But I would love a break from everything.  

I'm hoping to go to Santa Barbara some time in the coming weeks.  I miss that place a lot more than I ever have.  It was my home for a year, and although I said I hated it for the majority of the time, I really did love it.  It was fun and different, and there was always some new place to explore.  Hey, that's how Karissa, Cody and I found the 154 up to the Glass Factory, and we know that was never a bust.  I kind of grew into myself there, and I will always think of it as my home away from home.

Granted, the only reason why I go up there now, is to visit Karissa and Cody and hopefully in two years they will move up to San Francisco!  That would be the most amazing thing ever.

Well, that's all for now.  xx!

Swell Season

Ahh, look at me updating my blog in a relatively timely manner.  Fun stuff, man.  Fun stuff...  Now on to it:

Thinking, in my head at least, is never a good thing.  It always leads to doubts; never approvals or reassurances that everything will be fine.  No.  Instead, I think about what I will miss...  And what bad things could happen.  Of course, nothing bad ever does happen, but still, the thought is always there.  It's like the supreme 'What If' moment of my life.  In my freaking head.

In 22 days I will begin college...  Again.  I know this time I've got it right.  Studying what I should have been studying all along, doing what I love, in a city I LOVE.  Leaving my friends and family will be hard, just as it was when I moved away the first time, but I will get through it.  Just as I did before.  I'm really, really excited and can't wait to be on my own again.

I'll write more later.  I want to watch the rest of Annie Hall on YouTube.  :) 

xx